


Until I Am Whole Again

by fiveyaaas



Series: 5+1 Fics [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25905754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: Five times Five protects Vanya. (Plus, one time she saves him.)
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: 5+1 Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866838
Comments: 13
Kudos: 231





	Until I Am Whole Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blackat14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackat14/gifts).



> This is loosely based off a prompt I was given for Fiveya. Warning for descriptions of suicidal ideation and canon-typical themes of violence/abuse.

**I. Age 6**

Number Five, despite being a young child, had already developed a superiority complex that caused him to have an ego much larger than ten adults. He did not see a problem with this, but it made him struggle to develop friendships with the six other kids he grew up with. It was not something that bothered him, he didn’t want friends, but the problem lay in that  _ they  _ wanted friends. 

When it became clear Number Seven would never have powers, they stopped wanting her to join along in the games they played. Five figured it was a safety concern, which frankly he agreed with considering the strength of the others’ powers. 

Seven was moping while she watched them play tag, and he frowned at her over the book he was reading that discussed the theories of time. He was already fascinated, reading any books he could find on the topic. 

“You shouldn’t be upset that they aren’t including you, Seven,” he told her, going back to reading immediately after he said it. Seven seemed to be one of the more intelligent of the bunch, so he thought if he had a friend it would be her (or Six too). 

“Five?” she asked. He marked his page before glancing up at her. “Why are you not playing with them? You have powers.”

“I’m not playing with them because they are annoying,” he replies. “You’re welcome to sit by me if you’d like. There’s nothing dangerous about reading books.”

He was confused why she looked so grateful, but she pulled a book from the pile in front of him. She grimaced at the (admittedly pretentious) title, and he shrugged before going back to his own book. 

They had a few minutes of relative peace until One crashed into Seven, and he noted with horror that her forehead was bleeding. And then a knife started heading One’s way, and Five concentrated hard before catching it midair. It likely wouldn’t have hurt her, but he had to make sure she wasn’t  _ stabbed  _ on top of already likely having a concussion. 

One kept apologizing to Seven, and Five snapped at him before grabbing her hand and dragging her to the infirmary. She was fixed up immediately by the android that Five for some reason was expected to call Mom but had not always had. 

Five played tag with them the next day when Seven healed from her concussion, telling them that he would play once a week if they were more careful around Seven. It didn’t seem fair that they weren’t cautious around the powerless one.

Pretty soon, Seven did become his friend, and he appreciated having her to talk to. He would never admit it to her, but he sometimes was happy she didn’t have powers. It kept her safe from the others that way. 

**II. Age 9**

Seven made several attempts at running away in her lifetime, something that would stress Five out at various points in the future. The first attempt was when she was 9 years old, and Five was the only one to notice she had even gone. To be fair to Six, she had chosen a night when Ben’s monsters had been particularly harmful to him. 

Five had realized she was gone when she was not at dinner. Six had not been in attendance either, but the rules for Six were a little more lenient (likely because he could kill them all if he got too upset). Five wasn’t worried about Six because this was normal, but he was worried about Seven.

He blinked to her room the second he finished dinner, likely going to be in trouble afterwards but not really caring. He searched every room she could possibly be before going outside of the mansion to look. 

If Five hadn’t skipped out on dinner early, it could’ve been much worse. As it was, when he saw two people crowding Seven, he teleported immediately. Five knew that there were bad people out there, and he sighed with relief when he realized that this was just a couple asking Seven where her parents were. 

However, he had not anticipated them to notice his powers, to see the same uniform on him as Seven. They started asking questions, and Five didn’t know what to do. They wouldn’t understand. He panicked, grabbing Seven’s hand and trying to run with her. He had never jumped with another person before, but he was worried they would catch up. Once they had gotten far enough away from them that they wouldn’t be seen, he ducked with her behind a garbage can and tucked her to his chest. They were both breathing heavily, looking at one another in fear. 

The couple passed by their hiding place, calling out for them. Five and Seven had both been taught that they weren’t supposed to tattle-tale or tell any strangers about their lives, and they likely would ask questions at Five using his spatial jumps. If they knew about them, Five did not know what they would do, but he feared knowing. 

Once the couple was far enough away, they ran back to the mansion, not pausing to catch a breath at all until they were safely inside.

(Many years later, Five would know that he had not protected either of them there, but at the time he had thought telling the couple about themselves would be dangerous. If they  _ had _ told the couple, maybe their lives would have turned out different, maybe they could have escaped much sooner. He would not blame himself for it though; he had never known different anyways.) 

**III. Age 10**

It was clear to Five at one point that the thing Seven needed protecting from most was the very man responsible for taking care of them. 

That clarity made Five, without hesitation, take the fall for her when they were presented to a situation where she would have gotten in trouble. 

Seven had nightmares sometimes, a result of the medicine she took. When she had admitted this to Five, he had told her that she should come to his room whenever she needed to and he would keep her safe from whatever danger she had to worry about. 

Seven had not taken him up on his offer until apparently one night it had gotten too rough for her to handle and she went to him. Without questioning at all, he opened up his covers to her and let her crawl beside him. 

They had both drifted easily to sleep, but they were awoken by Reginald looming above them, yelling that it was inappropriate. He seemed to be directing all of this anger at Seven, not even seeming to care Five was there at all. Seven kept shrinking down in shame, flinching at the anger in his tone. 

Five finally cleared his throat. “I told Seven to be here, Father.”

Seven stared at him in shock, but he didn’t even glance over at her. “Whatever punishment should be given to me. I was the one to convince her.”

Reginald scoffed, but he simply said, “Do not let this happen again, Number Five.”

Five glared at his back, wondering why Seven had been screamed at to a point of terror but he had simply been dismissed.

**IV. Age 13**

Five was aware that Grace could take care of Vanya. He was also aware that Vanya was not even  _ that  _ sick. However, part of him helping her was motivated by the fact that they had been arguing until she got the flu about his decision to time travel and the other part was convinced (completely irrationally, he was aware) that he was somehow the reason she was sick. 

He asked Grace to help him make soup, realizing this was probably the first time he really bothered learning how to cook anything. The food he made for himself usually just required gathering the ingredients for a peanut butter marshmallow sandwich. 

Grace seemed delighted that he wanted to help Vanya, saying that he wasn’t social enough. As much as Reginald tried to drive a wedge between all of them and Vanya, Grace always was encouraging of his friendship with Vanya. He imagined that she could sense that it made both of them happy, and since it was her job partially to do that, she was pleased by them being friends. 

He quickly learned that he was horrible at cooking, but Grace told him sweetly that it was the thought that counted (before presenting the back-up chicken noodle soup that she had apparently been working on, knowing he would likely fail at the task). He thanked the android with a tight smile, and she told him to remind Vanya to keep hydrating. 

Five actually walked to Vanya’s room, balancing the bowl of soup in his hands so it wouldn’t fall. She looked confused by what he was doing, and he shrugged. 

“Sit up,” he commanded, setting the soup on her nightstand and blinking over to grab a chair to pull up so that he wasn’t crowding her on her bed. 

“You didn’t have to do this, Five,” Vanya commented. 

“I had help,” Five assured her, already picking up a spoonful and trying to get her to eat the bite. 

“You’re aware I have a case of the flu and not a case of missing arms, correct?”

Five scowled at her. “Eat the soup.”

She did, but she took the spoon from him to do so. He still held the bowl so it wouldn’t spill on her though. 

“How do you think the others would react to you being such a mother hen?”

Five didn’t respond to that comment, instead telling her she really needed to be drinking more water if she was to heal soon. 

For that afternoon, time travel had been forgotten.   
  


(It would be remembered pretty soon after though, and he would end up leaving Vanya behind.)

**V. Age 29**

Five knew the ash was not coating his skin, knew that he was not surrounded by the fire of the end of the world. 

But when he saw Vanya searching for a bottle of pills, he might as well have been experiencing the end of the world again.

“You’re not on medicine anymore,” he mumbled. He knew, he  _ knew  _ she knew that. He knew why she was searching, what she was about to try. 

“Five, just go,” she said softly. 

“You’re not going to do this,” he snapped, suddenly furious at her. How could she even  _ think _ to do this?

She clearly wasn’t thinking at all, he reminded himself. She was experiencing the grief of not only having blood on her hands but having the blood of the entire world on her hands.

“You think I didn’t consider it either?” Five asked. “You think I didn’t want to after I killed my marks? But I didn’t. Because I knew that it would be awful for all of you, and that I had to be here to protect you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not really great at protecting people, am I?” Vanya commented bitterly. 

Five wanted to hit something, wanted to scream. “You seriously think killing yourself will keep you from having killed people?”

“I think killing myself prevents me from killing more in the future.” She started dragging her hands through the cabinets again, and he snapped. He grabbed her by her wrists and blinked them to his room, the first place he could think of. 

She came here when she had nightmares to be safe, didn’t she? Wouldn’t he be able to keep them safe from the worst nightmare he could possibly imagine in here?

“You could do it,” Vanya murmured. Five let go of her hands, backing away from her like she was a threat. 

“How could you possibly say that?” he choked on the words. “How could you possibly think that I would ever?”

“You wanted to kill me before.”

The sentence hung in the air, and Five felt the ash filling his lungs again. 

“You could kill me,” Vanya continued. “You could make it quick as you wanted.” 

She moved forward, approaching him with a gentleness that just felt  _ wrong _ . “You could snap my neck or slit my throat or shoot me. You likely know the most painless way, don’t you? You wouldn’t have to make it hurt, but I would understand-“

“ _ Enough _ !” he shrieked. Vanya flinched, and he was glad for it in that second. How could she possibly think he would have ever even gone  _ through  _ with if? Didn’t she trust him?

Well, she clearly didn’t. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said quietly. “I don’t think I could ever bring myself to doing that. Even when I was at my most desperate moment when I made the decision to go after you at Icarus, I was calculating every possible way in which I could save you. I think even if I had been able to… to do…  _ that _ , I would have immediately ended my life right after.”

“Five,” Vanya breathed. 

“You’re allowed to talk about wanting to end your life seriously but I can’t even talk about it hypothetically?” He asked. 

Vanya’s eyes filled with shame. Good, if that’s what kept her here, shame was fine. If that kept her hanging on, he would take it. He would take anything at this point. 

He didn’t know what to do when she hugged him, but he knew that she was safe for now from their nightmares. 

**  
VI. ~~Always~~ Age 57**

Five had not lied when he told Vanya that he had thought about ending his own life plenty of times. He always knew that what kept him alive was her. When he was struggling to live in the mansion, the sound of her violin would fill his ears with a promise that the world was not entirely awful. When he was struggling to live in the apocalypse, the pages of her book against his skin kept him moving in hopes that he could return to the woman on the cover. When he was struggling to live with himself after killing, he reminded himself that he would one day be back and he would at least be able to protect her. 

Five may have always protected Vanya, but she was the one who _saved_ him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
